Hi, I’m Pam.

What I Did.

(The LinkedIn version.)

The Personal Stuff.

I'm a New Yorker born and raised by a single mom who emigrated from Taipei to get her Masters in Psych at St. John's. She worked her ass off and did the best she could. I barely saw her though and spent most of my childhood in school, weekend classes, alone, or with 40+ year olds. I got good at talking to adults/strangers and asking too many questions.

I wanted to be Commissioner of the NBA starting around age 8. I even mapped out a multi-decade plan that would get me the job. But I have the baggage of achievement pressures, high expectations, and lack of validation that comes standard with Chinese immigrant parents. No adult in my life supported this dream (until of course you make it and there’s something they can brag about). But this is one instance where stubbornness was valuable and I started applying to the NBA after my senior year in high school. I hung every rejection letter on the wall as motivation (I recall at least three).

I had a specific vision of success that involved power suits (though I didn’t know what they looked like), magazine covers (though I didn’t know which magazines), millions in the bank (though I didn’t know how I would get them), and the general vibe of super successful businessperson like Warren Buffett (though I would never be a white-haired, white man).

I wanted the prestige, the title, the corner office, the seven figure salary, the first woman to XXX accolade, the youngest person to YYY award, the 30-under-30 list. I didn't know what those blanks and lists would be for, but I wanted it. This was certainly informed by social influences, but over time those seep in and become your own beliefs, if you let them.

I applied for one job out of college and don’t know what I would’ve done had I not gotten it, but over the course of my two years at the NBA, my world slowly crumbled. I didn’t want to work there anymore, which meant I didn't want to be Commissioner, which meant I had no idea what to do with my life. I didn’t know who I was or wanted to be and felt completely lost. I wasn't happy, but I didn't know what would make me happy and the uncertainty ate away at me. I was terrified of making the wrong choice, but didn't know what the right one was and essentially tortured myself for half a year until I couldn’t do another day. I decided leaving was better than staying and that I’d soul search on the cross-country roadtrip I’ve always to do.

Back then, I thought finding myself was achievable… as if some other me was waiting for this me to find her on the side of the road like a hitchhiker I could pick up on my roadtrip. For 2+ months, I drove around, camped, saw beautiful parts of this country and considered thoughts like… Maybe I'm not meant for corporate and I should go work on a farm. Or buy a round-the-world ticket. Or earn some real money in finance. Or make furniture. Or get my MBA. Or move to a foreign country. Or open a cafe. A swirl of random thoughts that I hoped would magically surface as THE ONE.

The trip was one of the best experiences of my life, but when I got back I felt more lost and paralyzed with the options. I took long walks, read a ton, got lost on the internet, researched new careers, meditated, did informationals, etc., hoping that the right decision would reveal itself. Eventually, I made one and thought I had found the real IT.

But this cycle repeated itself many more times over the next decade. I wanted to make the SportsCenter commercials, but then I worked at ESPN. I wanted to run my own bar or restaurant, but then I worked at Eleven Madison Park, Momofuku, and bartended. I wanted to ski bum and live the small town life, but then I felt stagnant. I wanted a location-independent business, but then I got lonely. I wanted to start a life and own a home with someone, but then the relationship fell apart… twice.

I rode an emotional roller coaster for years. The highs had me thinking I was the happiest & luckiest person alive. But the lows were so depressed, I questioned what all this was for. Imagine a month spent mostly in this Ninja Turtle onesie, though this photo was taken a few months after I came out of that depression.

But each time I eventually slogged through the muck and came to a decision, I got more familiar with the figuring-out process and developed a few ways to get to the other side faster.

I've wanted a lot of things and got to try most of them, which often led to disappointment that none of my "dreams" were IT. I’ve come to a point where I see dreams as motivators, each experiment as one block of building a life, no one thing will ever be IT, and that the dreaming should never stop.

I’ve also called Montana and Oregon home. Being in the mountains feeds my soul, but so does NYC. I haven't had any gig for longer than three years. I ski. I hike. I take pictures. I'm a semi-adrenaline junkie. I roadtrip. I read non-fiction. I walk around cities. I talk to strangers. I chase new restaurants. I yoga. I procrastinate. I indulge. I love love. I try to help. I aim to do better each day. And I believe empathy, awareness, and curiosity can save the world.

PS… If you read that whole thing, thank you! 🙏 It’s wordy, but intended to give you more context about me and my path in the hopes that some of it resonates with you and is helpful.